I got over 60 xanga spam messages today.  this is ridiculous.  Anyone else getting them?

so....Tuesday.  2:30.  Watch the inaugural parade.  because I'll be in it.  towards the beginning

also, towards the end, watch for a band called the "Get a Life Marching Band" from Portland, OR towards the end.  because with a name like that they sure as hell better be good.  lol

I wish that I could stop wishing to go back in time.  Really.  It's depressing the crap out of me.  And it's even worse that I'm letting it depress me.  But...I just wish that times were easier, like back then.  I'll take having to deal with someone being depressed for no reason than all the crap now.  I hate trying to sort through people's relationships.  I hate trying to figure out all the relationships in my life because there is pretty much only one I actually understand.  I hate that I'm not as emotionally attached to everything I should be attached to.  I can't feel when someone I know is talking to me, but as soon as I put a movie on, I start crying like a little baby...I don't understand why I can connect to non existant people but not to the people I've known for most of my life.  I hate that I feel this shitty.  Now I kind of understand why when I'm at school, I hole up in my room and don't really talk to everyone.  Life would be so much easier if I didn't have to talk to people.  But I'm too reliant on everyone else's opinions for that to happen.  but really....there's only one other person I understand and that's not even all the time.  And I certainly don't understand myself...I really thought maybe I could be done with all this crap.  I went so long without feeling this way...then Christmas and my lack of fitting in, now this...I just wish it would all go away.  Sometimes I think maybe I should just go away since apparently I just collect this shit and nobody else really gets it.  My mother never believes me when I'm like this.  Because I don't ever know why.  And apparently thats not possible.  Whatever.  I don't even know anymore.

If you wasted your time reading this, I'm sorry.